Posted in Malaysia and USA by Alison Wilms on 1/26/2012
Alison,
God has truly blessed my life with our friendship and I am so excited to see how that continues to grow! In praying for you the other day, God have me the word TRUST. In the short time I have known you, a character trait I continually see in you is trust. Your team trusts you, your family trusts you, and even people that are newly placed in your life can sense that quality. God gave you that gift for a beautiful purpose and reason and all he asks in return is for you to TRUST Him back. So step out, take that chance, do a death scream if you must :) and walk in faith knowing you have a great and wonderful Papa with whom you can TRUST with even the tiny, little details of your life. Can't wait to see the ways God is planning on rocking your world this month!
Much Love, Micah
"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
This was a note given to me at some point on our long bus ride through Africa (read blog). I read the note, was encouraged in part and dismissed part thinking, "I don't know what she means that I need to trust God in return because I do trust Him."
I didn't think much more about it until recently....
Fast forward 6 months. I am in Malaysia and the end of the WR is looming. The girls on my team are anxiously trying to figure out "what's next" for them. We are going home soon and are unsure of what we are going to do. With all their talk and trying to make plans, I essentially started to ask the same question. Soon these thoughts began to consume my mind and it was hard to focus on our ministry there in Malaysia.
On one of our days off, we happened to be staying with our contacts (our place had flooded the day before) and we were able to use the pool in their apartment complex. Us girls spent some time by the pool that morning until a big dark storm cloud blew in. With the sun covered, a dark cloud overhead, and rain undoubtedly on the way, the other girls decided to pack up and head to a coffee shop around the corner. I opted to stay by the pool as I just needed some time to be alone.
I was excited when the cloud blew over and the sun came back out! I was left alone to swim and bask in the sun. I dove in and swam the length of the pool before coming up for air. I leaned on the edge of the pool to catch my breath and I began to pray. I began to give things I'd been trying to deal with on my own (frustrations, etc.) over to God and then I began to pray about my future. As I did, my prayers began to change.... Remembering my frustrations of the last few days and the frustrations of team leaders when all anyone did was repeatedly ask them questions that they may or may not have had answers to, I asked God "do you ever get frustrated with us? We keep asking you the same questions over and over and over again..."
God brought to mind all the times in the past year that I lived from month to month not worrying about what was to come in the next one. I knew that AIM was taking care of things and had things under control. I knew that they would communicate what was needed to the squad leaders and the squad leaders to the leaders and on down to us... my time to know would come when I needed to know. Sometimes I didn't know where I was going until 2 days before we left and I was okay with that. I didn't have to ask questions. I knew I would get to where I needed to be when the time came whether I knew where I was going or not. I trusted them.
As I thought about that, I relinquished everything. I prayed, "Okay God, if I can trust them, surely, I can trust that you are going to tell me what I need to know when I need to know it. I will stop asking you the same question over and over and start listening for you to speak. I know you will speak when the time comes. I trust you."
I have been finding out those words are easier said than done....
The WR ended and I came home not knowing much about my future but trusting that God would lead. Not long after being home, I went to visit my old co-workers and share about my trip. The next day my ex-supervisor called me and asked if I wanted my job back. I knew this wasn't what I wanted for my life but it was tempting to take the job just to have a job and make money. I told her I would think about it and let her know.
As I prayed about it the rest of that day and into the next, I felt God asking, "Do you trust me?" I trust you, God. I know that you have a plan for me but why not work and make some money until you tell me what it is you have for me? "You know this is not what I have for you. So why would you go back? Do you trust me?"
As I thought about His question, I had to ask myself that. I thought I trusted Him. Having grown up in the church you hear that word all the time but what does it really mean?
So I looked it up. In Webster's New World dictionary it defines it this way:
Trust = to rely or depend on
And as I've sought out what it really means to trust/depend on God, I've been reminded of the analogy of riding a tandem bike with God (if you don't know the analogy you can read it here) and the part of what it looks like when we trust Him. He is in the front seat and we are to be in the back. We are completely dependent upon Him. We can't pedal or steer the bike without His help. Sometimes we can't even see where we are going. He is leading and we are following - trusting/relying on Him to get us where we need to go. We literally won't go anywhere He doesn't go because we are attached to Him. He goes before us. He is with us every step of the way.
Thinking about that, do I really trust Him? Do I depend on Him? These are questions I've had to ask myself the past several months. I was reminded of the note that I was given on the African bus trip and realized that perhaps Micah was right, I didn't really trust Him. I trusted myself. And God was asking me to trust Him instead.
I think often times I find myself in the front seat of the tandem bike. I am the one in control. I'm pedaling away and only turning to God when I need help. Feeling anxious or afraid and asking God where I should steer the bike because I can't see up ahead.....
With my words, "Okay God, I trust you." I am making a choice to stop pedaling, to get off the bike, and to switch places with God. I am letting Him take the front seat and allowing Him to steer me through life. That first step is the hardest but that doesn't mean that the rest is easy. There are times I want to take the front seat back but then I hear God's voice asking me, "Do you trust me?" Sometimes things come up that I feel DOUBT or SHAME, to name a few, but again I hear God saying "trust me". It is that voice I choose to listen to for He doesn't just know the way, He IS the way.
Sometimes things may not make sense or may even sound crazy at times. It goes against the norms of this society. Those are the times I want to take over. To do things on my own. Then I'm reminded of the well-known verse:
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
God reminds me to "lean not on your own understanding...trust me...I will direct your steps". Things may not make sense to us but that is when we have to trust. God has a plan. He knows the way and He will get us there if we will only trust Him. If we will only set aside our independence and pride or whatever else gets in our way and allow Him to take over.
If you read my previous blog, you will know that is something I have struggled with. I like to be in control but I am learning to let go... even if, at times, it is throwing my hands up to take my hands off the handle bars of the bike and exasperatedly saying, "Fine God. This is crazy. I don't know how this is going to work but if it is you're going to have to do it." And once I give up control it is still a struggle to allow God to stay in control. He may tell me something about my future and then I go with that and try to figure it out... to figure out how it is going to work or how to get there. That is when God has been telling me, "Wait. Be patient. Trust me."
And if I look at Proverbs 3:5-6 in the Message version it says:
"Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. Don't assume that you know it all."
So I continue to seek Him every step of the way. I know that I am where God wants me and that He has a plan for me. Yes, 7 months later and I have no job, no car. But that is what I have chosen. I have learned to hear God's voice and now I am learning to listen even if it sounds crazy or doesn't make sense. Because I trust Him. God told me to "wait". I believe He has a plan and looking back over the past 7 months I can see how He has used me in various ways that had I taken a job or had a car... they wouldn't have happened. He has also used this time to teach me the lessons I am sharing with you and I know that He has also been using this time to prepare me for what is next. So I continue to wait until I hear otherwise. I am not worried. I know God will provide for me and take care of me. He will speak when it is time. I trust Him.
The verse Micah wrote in her note to me over a year ago comes back to me.... It is where I have found that when I trust God and walk in that trust that I have a joy, peace, and hope that I can't explain. And so this is my prayer for you as well:
"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
So, what about you... Do you trust God? I mean really trust Him? Which seat are you sitting in?
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Posted in Africa and USA by Alison Wilms on 1/19/2012
This time last year I was in Cape Town, South Africa. It was one of my favorite months on the WR. We lived and ministered with Ma and Pa at the Jeremiah Project. I loved the ministry and the neighborhood kids that we worked with. Days off we spent traveling around with our contacts to see all the beauty that Cape Town has to offer. Cape Town is one of the most beautiful places that I traveled to and it has some of the most breathtaking beaches right next to the mountains. Our days off tended to be busier than our ministry days. On one of our days off we were taken to hike Table Mountain (on the Kasteelspoort trail, I believe). We were told that it would take about 3 hours... to the top and back.
I was excited to go and my whole team went. On the WR you go where your team goes... so I don't remember thinking much about it. But I should have.... You see, a couple weeks prior our team had been blessed to go out on the boat of one of the volunteers we'd worked with in Johannesburg, South Africa. We went tubing and then they were teaching us to water ski. It was my turn and I actually got up on the skis for a little bit. I was trying to remember what they had told us... "arms straight," check; "legs together," nope. As I tried to bring them together, the waves took my left leg a different direction which caused me to twist my knee. I went down and the skis went flying off. As I bobbed in the water, my left leg was bent and I couldn't move it. For a moment I freaked out inside and was afraid that I had broken it. The guy on the Jet Ski rode up and asked if I was okay. I very calmly and simply told him, "My knee hurts." He grabbed me by the life vest and pulled me over to the boat and they pulled me in. I was able to stretch my leg out some. When we got back to shore I put my leg up and iced it. I'm not exactly sure if I tore something or what I did to my knee but it swelled really big. I couldn't bend it all the way without it hurting. My injury slowed me down the rest of that month but it didn't stop me. I just spent a little more time on the couch elevating and icing my knee and I adjusted my walk to not bend my knee so much. We then traveled to Cape Town. The swelling had gone and my knee was getting better but it wasn't completely healed and I should have thought about that and what it might be like to climb a mountain with an injured knee....
 Pa had woken us up early that day by yelling throughout the house. We got an early start to be able to climb the mountain during the cool part of the day. We stopped and prayed at the beginning of the trail and then we were off. The first part of the journey was filled with talk, laughter, and a slight inclining slope. We were off to a good start and the view was incredible.
A little ways into it a couple of the girls from the ministry decided to turn back because of problems with asthma. The rest of us continued on. So far things had been pretty good and we were thinking we had to be halfway up the mountain. Boy, were we wrong! We then got to a part that was like stairs... so you really were climbing and not just walking. This is when it got difficult for me. I realized that I couldn't really put all my weight on my knee to push myself to the next step. So I began to climb with my good leg. Each step. For a while that was okay. But if you have ever tried to climb a bunch of stairs or a mountain with one leg doing all the work... you know that you tire much quicker. I was out-of-breath, exhausted, and the muscles in my good leg were burning. I pushed myself to try to keep up but I began to slow down and fall behind. I needed to rest more often.
That was hard for me but my team was great. Someone was always back with me and they were there for me... offering to carry my bag or give me a hand. I brushed them off saying that I could do it. I never once admitted to them that day how much I was hurting or how much I was struggling.
I would even put a smile on for pictures but inside I began to beat myself up... telling myself I should have turned back when the other girls did but it was too late now so I need to keep going, that I was holding everyone back, and on and on and on....
We finally reached a point that we were going downhill slightly. Excited to be at the top, I picked up my pace. I stepped wrong on one of the rocks and jerked my knee again. Tears sprang to my eyes as I felt the pain in my knee. Thankful for my sunglasses to hide the tears, I kept going... until further ahead I realized I wasn't at the top. It was time to climb again. I stopped and looked up. Feeling defeated I thought, "I can't do this. I can't go on." I sat to rest. I was done... physically and emotionally. My teammates that were behind me caught up and I think they knew. They surrounded me and prayed over me. Then they were offering anything and everything that they thought might help... a sandwich, a piece of gum, an iPod, and an umbrella (to keep the sun off me). I begrudgingly accepted it all except the umbrella. I'm not sure how they were expecting me to climb carrying an umbrella but the picture of it made me laugh.
Chewing gum and listening to music, I was off again. My attitude changed as I remembered Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I prayed for God to strengthen me and help me make it to the top. As I was praying, Franklin, one of the guys from Jeremiah Project, held out his hand to help pull me up on a big rock. I didn't want to accept the help. But then I heard God speak....
You keep asking me for help. I keep offering to help you and you don't accept my help. Here I am right in front of you. I am offering my hand and you keep pushing me away....Will you accept my help this time?
I felt like God had reached down and smacked me upside the head. I had been praying for God to help ME. I'm not sure what I thought He would do whether heal my knee to make things easier or what but that He was going to do something so that I would be able to accomplish this without having to admit to my team that I couldn't do it or having to depend on anyone else.
Humbled, I reached out and grabbed Franklin's hand. He pulled me up and we kept climbing. Shortly after that we truly had arrived at the top. I was never so glad to see my teammates that had gone up ahead. We had made it!
I share this story because it was the beginning of my recognition of something I have done for a long time and I'm sure you can even tell that from my response in Jo'burg when I got hurt (I just didn't recognize it then). I am an independent person. I do not like to admit weakness or failure, much less, ask for help. My independence was something I was proud of. My belief was that I am a capable person and I don't need help from others because I can do it myself. My pride kept me from sharing with my team about how I was doing during the climb. Because I didn't talk about it, my thoughts and in essence my pride tore me down emotionally and spiritually that day. My pride kept me from asking for help. Yet with my team, I didn't have to ask for help - they were there offering themselves; their love. And I couldn't accept it. I pushed them away. Sometimes God uses other people as His hands and feet; so ultimately in pushing them away, I was pushing God away... not accepting His love. That was the realization that hit me when God spoke on the mountain that day. It was one of the most humbling moments and since then God has continued to work in that area of my life.
During the rest of my trip it was seen in little ways... for instance, when we were traveling and I automatically picked up my bag to carry it and dismissed the offer for one of the guys to take it. But having talked with my team after that day, they knew so they got after me and I would have to give up my bag. I began to learn to accept help when it was offered.
Since being back in the States, it is something I have had to let go of more and more. God has stripped me of everything of the independent life I had before the WR. No longer living on my own, I am back living in my parents' basement. No job. No car. It was a struggle at first and still is at times. Feeling like I had somehow failed at life and afraid of what people would think. I had to let go of my pride and hold on to the truth. I am not a failure. I am living the life God has called me to and it is a blessing to be able to live with my parents. It has gotten easier but sometimes I feel like I'm back in Jr. High... having to ask to borrow a car or for a ride to get places and everything but God is using that to stretch me and make me grow. That is when I have to let go of my pride and ask for help. I can't get anywhere without Him. And when I ask, He provides. There is purpose in where He has me and I am learning to TRUST Him (more about that next week!).
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Posted in USA by Alison Wilms on 1/12/2012
It's been awhile since my last blog and I have been asked lately if I am on strike. Rest assured... I am not. J I have attempted on several occasions over the last couple months to write a blog but God has been doing so much in my life that it has been difficult for me to figure out how to be able to explain it all. They are things I haven't learned overnight. It has been a process and I am still learning and growing. So perhaps the blogs weren't ready to be written, but I still haven't figured out how to put it in a blog so I am attempting to write a series of blogs. This is still difficult to figure out as there are certain topics but I have been learning them simultaneously and they intermingle and go hand - in - hand. But I'm going to attempt to share with you and as I pull things apart to put them in separate blogs, hopefully, it will all still make sense and you can see for yourself how they go together....
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I started and wrote this part of the blog in November...
So my project since the WR had been organizing and planning Walk the Wall 10k in my area. Ever since that was over the end of September, people have been asking me... "So what' next? What's your next project?" Sometimes I wish I had more to tell them because I've been asking God those same questions but all He has been telling me is "WAIT". I was fine with that answer for a while but there are times that I get antsy and just want to know. I don't want to wait anymore. I just want to DO something. But God has been teaching me that it isn't always about DOING - it is about BEING. And his words for me now, as I've been asking these questions of Him recently, are "be patient and trust me".
And so, I wait... not always patiently but I'm learning to trust God more and He is revealing a lot to me. I am waiting, but I am not idle. Right before I left on the WR, I moved back into my parents' house. I left everything in boxes and added them to the other boxes I had stored and other things I had never moved out of their house. Coming back, it has almost been like I am living in a storage room - living in and amongst all my boxes and the addition of some of my family's stuff. When I arrived home, I shuffled things around and made the space livable but mostly I ignored and avoided the boxes.
I have known that I have needed to go through my stuff and get rid of things even before I left on the WR but I was too busy then. Since coming home, I just didn't want to deal with it all. Part of that is because while I was gone, our basement flooded (which is where my room is) and some of my stuff was ruined despite all my family's efforts to dry things out. I am a neat organized person and in those boxes everything is a mess. Most things are not as I left them. I have not wanted to open the boxes to find things in disarray and try to make sense out of it all and I haven't wanted to find out what all was ruined.
However, after 4 months of doing other things my project now is to unpack all my boxes. It's amusing to me that the past year all I needed I carried on my back and we were having conversations then about what we really needed to have with us and how we needed to get rid of things. It is so easy to accumulate things when you have space for them; but, when you are carrying everything you own, you begin to really evaluate what you need and what is worth carrying. You don't want to carry more than you need to. Now, I am doing that at home. I am not just to going to unpack these boxes, but to actually go through things and decide what I need to keep, what to give away, and what to throw away. I have a tendency to hold on to things thinking that I might need them in the future. The past year, I learned that God is a God who provides. He provided for me when I was in need before so why do I need to hold on to something now that I may or may not need in the future? Why can't I give it to someone who is in need of it now and trust that if I do need it in the future, God will provide again? And so, I have begun that process of opening boxes, sorting things, and deciding what to do with the stuff. I have had to throw away many photo albums that were ruined and I have given away boxes/bags of things to Goodwill that I no longer need. I have been going down memory lane as I'm finding lots of things I have held on to even from childhood! And, I have only just begun.
But, I am learning to let go. I am learning that I can't live looking back at my past or live in the future. I need to live in the here and now. To live in the moment and listen for what God has for me now. God has also not been idle or absent during this time. As I have started unpacking boxes and literally going through things from my life, God has been showing me that in many ways there have been things in my life that I have treated like these boxes. I am ashamed to admit that I have become good at ignoring and avoiding things. Pretending they aren't there - putting them in "boxes" thinking that I'll deal with them later. Knowing that I need to think and pray about stuff and deal with it but putting it off for some other time. And that time never came. Well, I can no longer run as God has stripped me of all of my excuses for putting things off and it is time to unpack my boxes both literally and emotionally/spiritually. I am not perfect. God is using this time to reveal things to me which are molding and shaping my character. He is purifying me and preparing me for whatever is next.
The next few blogs I will be "unpacking boxes" that I have had in my life for a long time. Boxes that God is helping me open and sort through... figuring out what things to "trash", things I should be using, and things to give away.
What about you? Are there things in your life that you have been avoiding and/or ignoring? Now is the time to let Him in and allow Him to work in your life. It may seem daunting or like it will just make a mess of things but I promise you it is worth it. God can't give you more if you continue to hold on to the things of before. Let go! Allow him to work. Sometimes He has to do some pruning in our lives so that we can grow (John 15:1-2). And begin asking the question, "What does He want from/for me TODAY?"
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Posted in USA by Alison Wilms on 11/18/2011
Our last month on the WR, my team was located in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. It is a very westernized culture and they have many shopping malls. On one of our days off, we had a girls' day where one of our ministry partners took us to a mall. I'm not much of a shopper but I went along with the other girls on my team. I didn't end up buying anything that day, but I enjoyed looking at all their t-shirts and some of the funny sayings! On occasion, I would pull one out to show my teammates. One in particular I held up and said, "This kind of describes what our life has been like this year!" My teammate agreed and felt she needed a picture J
You see, traveling the world we came across many people that treated us as if we were famous. We were an attraction in Africa because we were white. Even as we would drive by people there, they would stop what they were doing to wave while others would drop their stuff and stare in disbelief... they were actually seeing white people! For some Africans that live in the villages, they had never seen a white person. At times we were treated as celebrities. In one particular village, I remember sitting on a log talking to one of my squad-mates, Shawndell, when two little boys came up, bowed, handed us several mangos each, and walked away. We looked at each other and asked, "Did that really just happen?" We got to meet with the chiefs which is something no ordinary person gets to do and they were honored to meet with us (read about my experience).
Then we left Africa and traveled to Asia. In Asia, it wasn't always as obvious but they still acted like we were someone famous. Being more technological, people in Asia would take our pictures. My first encounter with this I was actually in a hospital waiting room in the Philippines and as I looked up a lady had her arm sticking out from behind a partitioned wall and was taking a picture of my teammate, Stacey, and I on her cell phone. That was another moment where we looked at each other and I asked in disbelief, "Did she really just take a picture of us?" There was another time it was like my team and I were a famous band and we had paparazzi taking our pictures. We had just finished meeting with a group of college students in China and they wanted a picture of our group... every single student was taking our picture.
I'm not really famous. But to those people, it was like I was. And there were times during those 11 months that I felt like what I think a famous celebrity feels like here in America. So, relatively I was famous. But I wasn't famous for who I was, but what I was. I was a white American.
I kind of got used to that feeling but I never expected to feel that way coming back to America; yet, I have. I have gone places and people (who I don't know) know who I am and they know my story. They've been reading my blogs. They feel like they know me and are connected to me. Much like it is with celebrities... we know all about their lives yet they have no clue who we are. Then people began to ask me to come and speak. People contacted me to speak to many different groups from the Rotary to groups at church to a woman's group in NY. One day, there was a message on my parents' answering machine, "We would like Alison to come and speak to our group on Sunday if she could give us a call..." That was when it really hit me. I told one of my friends, "I feel like I'm this famous speaker that people are calling to book speaking engagements!"
That is a strange feeling. And then to top it all off, I got a phone call asking me to come do an interview for an online radio show. Being on the show sitting there with headphones on and a radio microphone in front of me was another one of those moments... "Is this really happening?!" It was a pre-recorded show that took place about 2 months ago and it has just been released so I want to share it with you! But before I do, you must know...
I'm not really famous, although there have been times I have felt that way since being home. And relatively maybe I am. I am not relatively famous for being me or for what I have done but for what Christ has done in and through me.
I spoke to one of the older adult classes at my church during the summer and before I spoke we sang a few hymns. One in particular I want to share with you because it describes why I have agreed to speak to these different groups and to do this radio interview.
To God Be the Glory
To God be the glory great things He hath done! So loved He the world that He gave us His Son, Who yielded His life an atonement for sin, And opened the life-gate that all may go in.
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, Let the earth hear His voice! Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, Let the people rejoice! O come to the Father thru Jesus the Son, And give Him the glory great things He hath done!
O perfect redemption, the purchase of blood, To every believer the promise of God; The vilest offender who truly believes, That moment from Jesus a pardon receives.
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, Let the earth hear His voice! Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, Let the people rejoice! O come to the Father thru Jesus the Son, And give Him the glory great things He hath done!
Great things He hath taught us, great things He hath done, And great our rejoicing through Jesus the Son; But purer, and higher, and greater will be Our wonder, our transport, when Jesus we see.
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, Let the earth hear His voice! Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, Let the people rejoice! O come to the Father thru Jesus the Son, And give Him the glory great things He hath done!
To listen to the radio show click here. It is 37 minutes but I believe it is worth listening to. If you don't have time to listen now, I would encourage you to listen when you have some time. And may God get all the glory!
Also, If you feel you want to get involved in some way, I am not currently on the field but both Stacey and Shawndell (mentioned above) are in need of financial support. Stacey has returned to Africa and Shawndell is doing ministry here in Georgia. Check out their blogs (just click on their name) and prayerfully consider how God wants you to get involved!
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Posted in Asia and USA by Alison Wilms on 10/19/2011
"My heart felt heavy a couple days this week seeing all of this and feeling helpless. There was absolutely nothing I could do because when the kids are violent we have no control over them. Realized we cannot change the culture and that this will continue to go on for a long time. It is hard to accept that fact. I am not currently practicing social work now that I am on this mission's trip but I am a social worker at heart and still hold those values. I want to be able to do more and to speak up for the vulnerable children but I CAN'T. #1 that's not my role with this trip and #2 it is their culture.... I can't just call children services or go and set up counseling for the families or do anything that I might do being a social worker in the U.S. The only thing I can do is show them LOVE that they may not get otherwise."
This is an excerpt from one of my blogs (Subeme) month one of my trip. And as I have looked back over my trip, I have realized that this was something I felt several months. I felt helpless and powerless. Different countries. Different experiences. But it left me feeling the same. I wanted to be able to do something to bring change but I felt like my hands were tied and the ONLY thing I could do was to offer love to the children we worked with. Sure, I can walk with a child and hold their hand, scratch their back as they sit on my lap, simply hold them close, or allow them to put their head in my lap as I rub their back. And I did. But I felt that it wasn't enough.
God began speaking to me about how He is enough during month 9 of my trip when I was really struggling with this, but I don't think I fully grasped what He was trying to tell me then. It was after I returned home, began processing my experiences, and preparing to share those experiences with different groups that I finally understood what He was telling me. During those difficult times, I felt like the ONLY thing I could do was to love but I have come to realize that it wasn't the only thing - it was the GREASTEST thing I could do. Upon returning home, a friend and fellow social worker recommended that I read a book entitled The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog. It is a book written by a child psychiatrist about some of the atrocities he has found children to face, what was done to help them (therapy, medication, etc.), and what he learned through all of it. He found that children can have their basic needs met - a place to live, food to eat, etc. but if they do not have love they fail to thrive. You can treat a child with medication and therapy but that alone cannot do the job. The author concludes that "relationships are the agents of change and the most powerful therapy is love."
And that is all he asks of us - to "look after orphans and widows in their distress". He doesn't ask us to change them or heal them. He just asks us to look after them - sit with them, be with them in their distress and pain, LOVE them. We may not know the impact that our love has on someone but it is NEEDED and is the greatest thing that we can offer someone. God taught me a lot about His love on my trip and He had me read the story of Hosea (if you haven't read it I would encourage you to do so) before entering my 9th month. I had read the story before and didn't think much of it but this time was different. I felt Him telling me that this story is 2-fold. We are all Gomer and God is our Hosea. That is how much He loves us. But the other part, He wanted me to be Hosea. I wasn't sure at the time exactly what that meant but I soon found out entering month 9. He was calling me to love as He loves. To love unconditionally. To love when I may not be loved in return. To love even when it hurts. That is not always easy but that is to love as Christ. And that love, it is POWERFUL.
I may never know the impact of the love I offered hundreds of children around the world during my trip but I now know it was the greatest thing I could do. And I have hope that the time I spent with each child has impacted their lives in some way. Thankfully, I have heard about a few children and how they were impacted. I loved all of the kids that I worked with. Some were easier to love than others. It is easy to love kids that are cute and fun but it definitely isn't easy to love those where you have to get over yourself... to be able to love with Christ's love. I want to attempt to share one of those stories with you.
This is a story about an 8 year-old girl and my experience with her. This is my story of learning to love as Christ loves and this little girl is my "Gomer". This story will take us back to the 2nd floor... (if you don't know what I'm referring to you can read my blog Behind the Wall).
This little girl is about 8 years-old. She looks fairly healthy especially compared to the other children in the room. She has rosy cheeks and her dark hair is kept very short. The only physical sign that anything is wrong is if you look at her hands. Her hands are red, puffy, and swollen; as one of the ways she copes with her living situation, is sucking on them. She is one of the many disabled kids and they tell us that she has autism.
You will find this little girl in the corner. This is her place that she stands. She feels safe there. If you look at her she will hide her face either covering it with her coat or her hands. She will peak out at you but she does not make eye contact. Sometimes she doesn't even feel safe in her corner. Those times she will grab a chair, pull it into her corner, and stand behind it. The only time that she ventured out of her corner was when there was food. She was one you had to look out for because she was one of the ones that would steal food from the weaker kids and she was quick!
There were many disabled children in that room. Some sought our attention; some visibly and audibly upset. Those were the ones that my teammates and I tended to spend time with - the children seeking love; those children who clearly needed to be loved and comforted; those demanding our attention. This little girl was not one of them. She stayed to herself in her corner. She would occasionally yell or sing something. It was always the same words she yelled and she sang the same song but I never knew the English translation. After hearing it so often in the course of our time there, I'm sure I could repeat what she would yell but I have no idea what I'd be saying. Although she mainly stayed to herself, there was something about her that I was drawn to.
I decided that she was one that I needed to reach out to. I did the only thing I could think of. I joined her in her corner. I pulled up a chair and I sat. I then began to sing. I sang any song I could think of - kids songs, Christmas songs, worship songs, anything. When I ran out of songs, I wanted to tell her that Jesus love her but I wanted to tell her in her language so she'd understand. I had no idea how to say it and it wasn't on my list of phrases so instead I told her "Wo ai ni" (pronounced Wor aye nee meaning I love you).
She looked at me. Blew her nose into her hand and then wiped it on my face. She then pulled and bit my hair. In that moment, I was very disgusted and frustrated with her. I wanted to get up, walk away and be done with her. But I couldn't. I didn't. I knew that God was calling me to continue to love her. Instead of getting up and walking away, I took a deep breath, looked at her and again told her "Wo ai ni".
The next day and many days after that she would come out of her corner to pull my hair and then would run back to her corner. The thing was... it was all targeted at me. She never did that to my teammates and so I knew it was because I had shown her love. She wanted attention and love but did not know how to get it or receive it in a positive way so she would do things to get negative attention. She was jealous of the other kids I was holding and she would also hit or grab them. She found a pair of gigantic scissors one day and I'm pretty sure she was going to cut my hair if I hadn't of moved. She also attempted to throw pee at me that she had gotten from one of those potty chairs that they kept in their room. She would do anything that might bring her attention. It was hard to continue to love her and at times was very frustrating. My teammates were usually the ones yelling at her and trying to pull her off of me when she was pulling my hair or biting me. But with God's help, I was able to continue to love her.
Through God's strength and His love flowing through me, I continued to love her. I would sit with her in her corner. I would try to get her to come out of her corner and engage with her. There were glimmers of hope when she would sit on my lap for a second before running back to her corner or when she would return a hug but unfortunately it was followed by biting me. A classic 2nd floor depiction as that is how it was on the second floor... there is good and bad.... But I had established a relationship with her. We celebrated the little things because it was progress. My last day there it was warm enough to take a few of the kids outside. I had attempted to take her out earlier in the month but she would have no part of it. I decided to try again that day. She not only came out of her corner but she allowed me to carry her off the 2nd floor and went outside. That day was huge. She was out of her element so she stuck by my side. She was unsure of herself but there was no yelling and there were no negative behaviors. She was a completely different child!
It was hard for me at the end of the month to leave the children on the 2nd floor and head to a new place. But one of the long-term missionaries promised to send us updates on our kids. It has been great receiving her updates and even better to read the progress for some of the kids. To actually hear about the impact that we had while we were there. This little girl, she comes out of her corner now... not to pull hair or bite but to give hugs and kisses!
God's love is so powerful if we allow Him to love through us. We may feel inadequate when we hear God calling us to go somewhere or do something or we may feel powerless in certain situations but all He really asks of us is to LOVE. And that, that is the GREATEST and most POWERFUL thing we can do. We may not be loved in return and it may be painful but it is worth it. That person is worth it.
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Posted in Asia and USA by Alison Wilms on 10/10/2011
September 24th people gathered in 32 different locations around the globe to "Walk the Wall".
Walk the Wall is an annual 10km event that ICC (International China Concern) has to help them raise awareness of the needs for abandoned disabled kids in China and to raise money for them to be able to do more.
I organized the event here in Lorain, Ohio and we had about 80 people involved in some way whether participating in the walk and/or giving money. Despite rain being forecast for the weekend, it turned out to be a beautiful day. We had people come from all over Northern Ohio and one participant traveled from Kansas to run/walk with her daughter!!
Many people around the world walked. Thousands of dollars were raised. Here in Ohio, we raised about $4000 so far!! We also had the opportunity to have some great conversations with people in the park during the day of the event.
Thank you to everyone who participated and for all of you who were praying. I really appreciate all of you! Thank you for helping make a difference in the lives of these children.
Please continue to pray for those in China....
Pray for the physical and emotional health of those working with the children.
- Please pray for the government.... 1. that God would soften their hearts to become more aware of these children and for them to begin to understand that each one of them is valuable and 2. that ICC would have a continued relationship with them and that more doors would be opened for ICC.
- Pray for the director of the welfare center as ICC has recommended that the staff (in the room I volunteered in) be placed on shifts, not the 24hour days that they have been on, to help facilitate better care of the children.
- For the babies and children newly abandoned... that they will be comforted and feel loved.
- For developmental progress of the babies on the baby floor.
- For healing in the hearts of the abandoned children.
- For the children who have been matched with "forever families" that the process will be timely and that more children will capture families' hearts so that they too will be adopted.
If you are feeling led to do more, visit ICC's website to find ways to get involved. It is also, not too late to sponsor me in Walk the Wall. | |
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Posted in Asia and USA by Alison Wilms on 9/16/2011
The sun did not shine. It was dark. dreary. cold. rainy. Dampness in the air brought a chill to the bones. This was our time in China.
If the weather could be any indication of how our time was to go, this was it. We worked in a dark and cold place. We were chilled to the bone not just because of the weather but also by what we saw and experienced day in and day out. The thought... the knowledge... the experiencing... of what takes place on the 2nd floor.
Six months later, I have yet to find a way to fully explain what took place during those three weeks. I am realizing that I cannot share it all... for it is overwhelming and difficult to find the words. Each child has their own story. The abandoned and disabled children in China have no voice. They are not heard. Each child's story is important and they need to be heard. Their stories need to be shared.
That said, I want to attempt to share one of their stories with you. It is a story of a little girl with Down's Syndrome. I am told that she was abandoned the beginning of January because her family was unable to provide for her. They are guessing she was about one although it is hard to tell because she is so little. On the 2nd floor of the welfare center, she spent most of her time lying in her crib with very little physical contact. She was slow with her feeding and the caregivers would only spend so much time holding the bottle for her. Usually, she got about half.
As time passed, she became malnourished and she watched other girls in her room die. Not long after this is when my story begins with her. We came to China in March. I can still remember seeing her for the first time. A volunteer, Jade, from International China Concern (ICC) was there holding her. She was wrapped in a big comforter looking blanket and all you could see of her was her head poking out. You could tell she was malnourished from the way that her face was skinny and sunken in and her hair was short enough to stand on end.
Three from my team volunteered to work on the 2nd floor every day with Jade. We would go in to bring snacks, have play time, and sit with the children. You would often find Jade lovingly holding this little girl. After snack time for the older children, Jade would try to feed her some baby food that she had brought. During our time there, I also spent some time holding her. She weighed very little. It was like I was holding an infant... not a one year old girl. Holding her and looking down into her scrawny little face, she looked back up at you with big eyes. She reminded me of a baby bird... especially when we were feeding her!
She was growing weaker and the additional baby food that Jade would bring for her was helping her to hang on. Then we got the news that she was having diarrhea. The caregivers in that room blamed it on the baby food and told us not to give it to her any more. We were dismayed. She needed this food to live yet we didn't want to risk the relationship established with the caregivers for they could tell us to leave and not allow us back. It was a privilege to even be in that room to begin with.
So we did the only thing we could think to do... we snuck it to her! It was easy when the caregivers weren't around but there were times we enlisted someone to be a look-out and help hide the fact that we were continuing to feed her. Then she got sick with a cold or something of the sorts but because of her malnourishment we were very concerned for her and weren't sure if she was going to make it.
Good news arrived! ICC (a Christian organization that cares for abandoned disabled children) had a spot open up in one of their baby rooms and they would be able to take someone from the 2nd floor. There was hope for this little girl. They were willing to take her. Only problem was, they wouldn't take her until her sickness was over. They did not want their children to catch it from her. We prayed that she would recover and be able to go to ICC. This was her only hope....
March 21st her day arrived. She had recovered from her sickness and ICC was willing for her to come. One of my teammates had the privilege of carrying her off the 2nd floor and over to ICC. A great day and a moment that we celebrated. But this is not the end of her story...
She was taken over to ICC but was so malnourished they admitted her to the health clinic. She was hooked up to IV's and they said she was in critical condition. They weren't sure if she was going to make it. The next two days they asked that someone from our team sit with her in the clinic. My teammate sat with her the first day. It was very hard on her and the following day she asked if I would sit with Valerie in the clinic. I agreed.
I walked into the clinic to find Valerie up on a table with the IV tube sticking out of her forehead. She was so tiny and frail looking. I pulled up a chair to be near her and they told me that I could hold her. Looking down at this precious little girl in my arms, I began to pray...
Oh God, how can this be?! She has been brought to ICC. They want to love her and give her a chance at life. She has hope and opportunities now. But now she may not experience them. You've brought her this far... how could you take that from her? You can't take her now...
I struggled to hold back tears to no avail. Tears began to fall and I wiped them away quickly so no one else in the clinic would see. It was then that I remembered my prayer that morning on our 45 minute walk to the center. I had prayed that God would rest on me and that anyone I touched would feel His touch not mine. With that in mind, I began to pray again. This time I prayed for healing.
I prayed and sang. The songs I sang were just as much for me as for Valerie. But at some point something changed. I experienced something I have never experienced before. I began to sing songs over her that were not worship songs, not songs that I'd ever heard before. It was meant for her...
Valerie, Valerie
Jesus loves you
Jesus loves you,
O, Valerie...
and then it became more than that. I felt as if God was speaking/singing to her through me...
Dear Valerie,
you are healed now...
and as she fell asleep in my arms I continued to sing.
Rest easy, dear, I am here now...
Don't worry, dear, I am with you...
As I sang, I couldn't help but think: Is it true?! Could she be healed?! Do I dare think that?! I'm not sure how long I held her and sang over her. But what I do know is that when the nurse/doctor came in to check on her, they pulled out the IV and released her to go to her new room. When they told me, I stood up with her in my arms and had the privilege to carry her to her new home. I can't tell you how excited I was as I walked out the clinic doors with her in my arms! She was going to make it!!! :D
I carried her into her new home and her new caregivers lovingly welcomed her. I sat with her and fed her until it was time for me to go have lunch with my teammates. I couldn't wait to tell them the good news!
And good news it was. She was no longer in critical condition, yet, she still had a long road ahead of her to overcome the malnourishment. We left a few days later as our time in China had come to an end. But we left knowing that she was in safe hands. I continue to receive updates from ICC staff/volunteers. The most recent update was just last week. Valerie has gained weight and looks healthy now. She has begun verbalizing and making noises. She is sitting independently and pulling herself up to stand. She is playing with toys and ICC has started her in physical therapy. Valerie is just one of the many kids that ICC has been able to help. They truly do offer love, hope and opportunity for those in their care.
There is HOPE but there are still many on the 2nd floor. Many that my heart breaks for. ICC wants to be able to help more children like Valerie. Will you join me in helping them? ICC has an annual 10k walk/run, Walk the Wall, to raise awareness and raise money. The 10k is on September 24th. Visit www.walkthewall.org for more information, to find a location and sign-up. There is no registration fee. They just ask you to help raise awareness by asking people to sponsor you. If you can't participate, please consider sponsoring me! The money goes to ICC to help them:• Give life to disabled children by hiring and training more therapists and workers, dramatically impacting health and welfare
• Prevent abandonment by expanding services to an ever-increasing number of families who have children with disabilities, who once thought there was no other alternative
If you would like to sponsor me you can give online by going to my Walk the Wall page.. click here. All donations are tax deductible. Reading this after the 24th? No worries! You can still give. Donations are still accepted into October.
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Posted in USA by Alison Wilms on 7/7/2011
Have you ever heard someone say that God has a sense of humor? Well, if he does I'm pretty sure he would be laughing at me right now. All the things God is leading me into are all things that I hated when growing up. And even last year before I left on the race had you told me I'd be doing these things, I probably would have laughed at you and said, "yeah, right!" I still don't necessarily love them, but they aren't as bad now. I believe that God does have a sense of humor but I don't think that it is used to laugh AT us... I think he just uses us in our weaknesses so that he is the one that gets the glory. I still don't know what I'll be doing with the rest of my life but as I said in my last blog, God is giving me pieces of a puzzle. For now, God is telling me to speak, write, run, and lead.
Throughout the race, many people have encouraged me to speak up and use my voice. They have stressed the value and weight of my words. During the trip, I was able to put this into practice not only with my teammates but in sharing messages/sermons with different groups of people and speaking to elementary, high school, and college classes about the our trip and what we were doing. It's not something I find enjoyable, but it has definitely become easier for me to speak in front of people. Now that I am back in the States, many different people want me to share about my experiences; so, I will be speaking. I will be sharing with the rotary, speaking in youth groups and church groups, and I have even been asked to speak in social work classes at my college.
During the race, we were asked to write a blog so that all of you would know what I was up to in ministry and what God was teaching me along the way. When I found out about having to do the blog, I did not want to do it. It was the thing I was dreading the most about our trip. I hated writing because it takes me forever to process and think of what I want to write and then figure out how to write it. At first, blogging felt like I was back in school with homework and I'm sure that my teammates can attest to the fact that I would sit there a long time working on the blogs, but with time it came a little bit easier. I knew the importance of you having the information and I, again, have learned that I need to share things. Returning to the States, I thought that my blogging days were over. Some of my teammates have created new blogs and seeing them I thought to myself, "I'm not doing that." Well, a couple nights ago, God told me otherwise. As I've learned, I have a different perspective than others, it is important for me to offer my insights and share my perspective. So I am going to do just that instead of keeping my thoughts to myself. I plan to share what God is teaching me and different thoughts that I have while pursuing God's truth in life. Since it is more of my thoughts and not necessarily related to my ministry or the WR, I created a new blog to fit that. If you are interested, feel free to check it out at http://www.truthsnipermusings.blogspot.com/. Besides blogging, I feel like God is telling me that I need to raise awareness of what is going on around the world to the social work profession. So I may also be writing some articles for social work magazines/ journals. I have been looking into that, exploring my options, and having to remember how to write professionally. I will also need to have more of a focus so I need to figure out how to approach that. If you could be praying about that for me, I would appreciate it!
The thing I have been focused on most though is that God has told me to run. I started running with my teammates in Malaysia (you may have read my blog about it) and since then that has been the word God is continually telling me. As some of my teammates started to worry about needing to know what was next, all I could think about was "What do I do about Ch***?" My month in Ch*** was my hardest month and it impacted me the most. It is the place that broke me and a place I cannot forget or ignore. (If you haven't heard about my experience, you can read about it in my Behind the Wall blog). I don't know that it means going back there (although it might at some point) but I knew that I needed to do something. In Malaysia and back in the States, I kept asking God... "What about Ch***?" And all I kept hearing Him say was, "Run." Ch*** is not a place that I would chose to go but if that is where God wants me, I will go. So I kept asking God... "What about Ch***? Do you want me to go? What do you want me to do?" And again, all I heard was "Run." And so I ran thinking that God would tell me what to do about Ch*** when I needed to know.... Sometimes I can be a little slow when it comes to figuring out what God is trying to tell me but in many different ways of God telling me, I finally connected the dots. God wasn't just telling me to run but he was answering my question. I found out that the organization that we worked with has an annual 10k walk/run around the world to raise money to be able to help get more kids out of the government run welfare centers. And so, I intend to run. However being back in the States and talking with some of you guys, I realized that this not only affected me but many of you. So with that knowledge, I wanted to give you guys an opportunity to get involved and join me in fighting for these children. I am planning to lead my own walk in my hometown. I am organizing the 10k walk/run for September 24th. If you are in the area, please prayerfully consider joining me! You can walk or run to raise awareness of what is going on and have your friends and family financially support you. If you are not in the area, you can look for a location near you or please consider financially supporting me in this. My kids NEED you! To sign up visit www.walkthewall.org or click here or to support me you can also visit the website or click here.
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Posted in USA by Alison Wilms on 6/27/2011
So I started writing this blog a few weeks ago... not long after I arrived back in the States so I apologize that it took me awhile to actually finish it and get it posted....
I haven't experienced much culture shock as we are used to changing countries and cultures. There have been a few things like thinking I should know the people I was passing on the street because they are white (but I don't) or standing in front of my closet full of clothes trying to decide what to wear... pulling things out and trying them on and throwing them on the bed (I'm not usually that girl) and then deciding to pull something out of my bag that I've been wearing the past 11 months and put that on. I really thought about wearing it but had to make myself find something new to wear. I finally found an outfit to wear...and ended up wearing it the following two days! Otherwise, I feel like I have adapted pretty well but I have noticed that before I left there were some things I never thought about... it was life... but now I'm thankful for them. For example, I have my OWN bed that I never realized just how comfortable it was until sleeping on the hard beds in Asia or how nice it is to step out of the shower onto a dry floor with a nice mat instead of showering and not being able to dry off because the whole bathroom is wet. It's the small things that I've learned to appreciate. Then there are the other things, of course, but not sure if it is good or bad... the accessibility of food... I can eat whatever I want whenever I want (and I do). I find myself to be hungry a lot and at odd times - maybe what they say in Africa and Asia is true that without the rice or sima it isn't a meal! :P
I've been asked about my sleeping schedule if I have adjusted to the time zone and if it is back to normal. My question though is what is normal?? I'm not sure that I know any more. I've been "home" a few weeks now and some people have been asking how home is. I have a hard time with this question because I have found that each month we get to a new location and we get settled in. I unpack my few belongings and the place we are becomes my home... no matter how small or cramped it may be. That is/was home. I say that I am "home" now but what does that mean? I feel no more at home in my old room at my parents' house, with boxes still to unpack from when I moved everything in before I left for my trip, than I did in every other place that we went. It is great to have my own space and a comfortable bed. I love being with my family but it feels like I'm just in another place. In reality, I am... the only difference is now I am on my own. I don't have my teammates around and I don't have any set ministries but God is still moving. On Sunday, the pastor was talking about how we need to live in intimate connection with God and then he asked us a question... "Where do you live?" He then went on talking about how God needs to be our HOME. I believe that when we live in God it doesn't matter where we are... we are home. And so, for the time being I am back.
The other question I know many of you want to know and the question that I'm asked a lot is... SO NOW WHAT? The short answer: I DON'T know! It's a great question and I'd love to know the answer myself but the reality is that I don't. What I do know is that for now I am "home" and I am spending my time with family and friends. I am going through pictures and processing my experiences trying to figure out what it all means for me now. I am sharing my stories. I am waiting on God before I make any moves. He is starting to reveal little pieces of the puzzle to me... I am trying to sort things out and put it together.
As I was going through my journals to figure out some names of places we crusaded in Malawi, I read about when one of the guys we evangelized with told me he had a message for me about my ministry. He told me that he'd had a dream/vision of me climbing a mountain like we had the day we went to pray. I had reached a place on the mountain but I wasn't at the top yet. He told me I need to keep climbing until I reach the top. He then told me to read Philippians 3:12-14 so I did. At that time, I wasn't sure what to think about his message or what I had read. I didn't know what it meant for me exactly. Reading this in my journal a few weeks ago, I decided I should read the passage again. I grabbed my bible and flipped it open to Philippians. I had to laugh because as I flipped my Bible open, it was marked with a napkin. On my flight home from LA, I was kind of anxious and not sure what to expect. I started reading many different things and Philippians happened to be one of the passages I stayed in. I had read a lot of Philippians and that passage was one of the things I had underlined that night!
Philippians 3:12-14 (The Message)
"I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward - to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back."
I had forgotten about it until I went back to see what it said because of something in one of my journals. I do believe that this is a message from God. The WR may be over but my journey has just begun.... I don't have all the pieces of the puzzle. I don't have things figured out but I am going to keep on following God and see where he leads.
I want to thank all of you for your support and encouragement the past year on this leg of the journey!! All the things that God did in my life and the lives that I touched would not have been possible if not for YOU. Stay tuned to hear what God is leading me to next!
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Posted in Asia by Alison Wilms on 5/12/2011
Ready, ready, ready, ready, ready to run
All I'm ready to do is have some fun
What's all this talk about love?
I don't really know this song beyond this point but these lyrics have been in my head the past week as I have begun running. These lyrics come to mind because of a video some of my friends and I made in college for one of our classes. It was a video on running and different things. I have never enjoyed running before and have never done it consistently. In fact, I don't/ haven't worked out much the past couple years. On the WR, I've maybe done something 2x in the past 10 months but I am ready, READY TO RUN!
You may be thinking, "so what... you've decided to run." Thing is, most times it was my decision to not run, but then when my team and I were in Jo'berg I got hurt and COULD NOT run... or even walk properly. I twisted my knee really bad. It swelled up really big and I couldn't bend it without it hurting. It slowed me down but it didn't stop me from doing ministry. I iced it and elevated it and did what I thought necessary to heal it. The swelling eventually went down and I could finally walk normally. We moved on to Cape Town and to a different ministry. Most of my team loves to work out and does it frequently. I had never really wanted to join them before but that month they did exercises with the kids and it would have been fun to join in. I knew that I couldn't though.... yes, I could walk but doing some of the things they were doing I knew would be bad for my knee so I opted out. My explanation was that I don't work out. I didn't want to admit that I couldn't do it. Like I said, my knee was getting better and didn't really feel pain except at night from keeping it in one position for so long.
 
Left: Elevating leg right after twisted it.
Above: Swollen knee. Below:
Wearing knee brace around Cape Town.
Then we took a long flight (about 16 hours or so) from South Africa to the Philippines. Sitting for that long was not good for my knee and it made it worse. I couldn't do some of the ministries because of my knee. My team made me spend time in my bed actually resting my knee. That was hard for me not being able to do things but also learning to be still. I am a doer and when there are things to do and people need help, I want to be involved. I can't lay around in my bed while others are out working but I was forced to.
I never realized or thought about how important our knees are until I injured mine and then I felt how much we use them! Climbing stairs, pulling weeds, shoveling, sitting Indian style, among other things were all things that I found out that I struggled to do without pain. It was hard to not be able to do that stuff. Then one day I was standing on our balcony which overlooked the field where most of my team and others from some of the other teams were all running around... I was looking out at them and in that moment wished I could be out there running with them... remembering the feeling and freedom of being able to run.
 God has taught me a lot through the injury of my knee throughout the months. I did go to the hospital in the Philippines to try and see if I had torn something or what had happened. They didn't have the right equipment to tell me anything and all the doctor wanted to do was to prescribe me pain medications. It had already been over 6 weeks and I hadn't been taking pain medications so it was frustrating that that is all they wanted to do for me. I continued to give things to God and he has healed me over time.
I am learning that my body is the temple of God and I need to take care of it. For me, it is not about losing weight but it is about being physically, mentally, and spiritually healthier. I have never been a morning person and I still don't like mornings but I have found that starting my morning prayer running is much better for me. Before I started running I found that my feeble attempts to continue sleeping while our squeaky bedroom door kept opening and closing only put me in a bad mood. I would be irritated and frustrated because I couldn't sleep. I would roll over and attempt to pray but would be distracted or end up drifting off. Getting up to run, I still stumble out of bed and am slow moving to put on clothes and tennis shoes. As we walk to the sidewalk, I am still yawning and trying to wake up. But I have started to run.
Now I am ABLE to run!!! I walk/run since I haven't been exercising much before this but I push myself and God gives me strength. Day 3 of running I was able to go the whole way! I never asked me teammates questions... I just went. That day I decided to ask how far we run... their response was "about 2 and a half miles". I have never in my life run more than 2 miles. So now, not only am I able to run but I am able to run more than I ever was before! With each step that I take, I fall more in love with God. He desires a relationship with us even if that involves running with us. I have never been more thankful for the ability to run and to move. Our bodies are amazing and I am able to move. Some people are disabled and don't have that ability. I need to praise God for what he has given me and how he has been moving in my life. This past week, I have been running with a couple of my teammates and it has become a form of worship for me. We have fun talking and praying together. During the run, we talk about dreams we had the night before from riding around on invisible scooters to dreams about going home. We pray for our day and whatever comes to our mind. Prayers are said between our huffs and puffs of breathing hard. Each labored breath that I take and every step that I take moves me closer to God. And so, I continue running.
So I want to encourage you...
Colossians 3:17
"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."
God wants a relationship with us. There are times that we need to sit and be still before him but he wants to be included in our lives. How can you be including him in yours?
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